LITERARY | Decoding The Expectations: Who Am I Without The A's?

‎The question echoes in the corners of my mind. It just sits there, waiting to be answered. I'm always part of the honor list, thirsty for academic validation. But now, it seems like I'm slowly failing—getting anxious about what people would think if my best wasn't good enough. Without the 90s and the honor, without the certificates and the medals, 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩?

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‎Because who am I without it? It's the only thing I can do to gain their approval, to be seen, and to be valued. They say, "𝘎𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴; 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶." No, they're not. Grades define me. It shaped me into who I am. It reflects my effort and capabilities as a student. Every score, perfect or not, has been a validation of my worth and potential.

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‎We always measured our worth by academic achievements, the medals, the grades we earned, and the praise we always wanted to hear. Although we never heard their expectations verbally, their eyes conveyed their feelings. Will they ever see me as part of their family if I don't meet their expectations? As I grow older, I realize that I'm not really the 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘵 and 𝘨𝘪𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘥 child they thought I was. I'm just a kid who tries her best to fit in like the others. I'm just a try-hard who will never be a natural.

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"𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘢𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺."

Behind every award and medal lies a hard-fought journey filled with personal experiences, struggles, and triumphs—we pushed ourselves to the brink. Sometimes, we sacrificed sleep, bit our nails just to stay awake, hid the fact that we were sick, and skipped proper meals, all of which could take a toll on our health, all for the joy of hearing someone say, "𝘕𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘬𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘰 𝘮𝘰."

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‎School is no longer about learning; it's about meeting expectations and the pressure to do well to make others proud. I want to learn other things too. I'm fed up with always watching other students pursue their passions while I'm busy doing something that's not even for me, but for my family.‎

𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

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